It's hard for me to write such things because I've already done so in the past, multiple times; I'm afraid that they will simply sound as duplicates of the last, as petty copywork, shameless self-plagiarism, that not only their value but also their very legitimacy will be put under serious doubt.
In short, I'm afraid my words will be interpreted as lies. But they are not; nor have they been. It is very hard for me, but I am sending forth what I feel is the truth, my
truth, my personal real - quite possibly a blatant falsity to others, a fallacy, a bleak outlook of my own stupidity.
But you know me, more or less. And many of you are rather close to me in your psychological constitution; you face similar struggles, seek similar answers, pose similar questions, sing similar tunes. And, I reckon, that must be what brought us close in the first place. It took me long to stomach since I was a child, but greater differences - though certainly not leading to raw violence on their own - aren't too inviting, are they?
See, this "wide" talk is kind of a security measure. I'm beating around the bush, in a way; I'm postponing things I want to say but am afraid to.
I am sorry for being absent.
I want you to know that I was thinking of you, all of you, some more than others, but none left out.
And I missed you all.
I had some issues with myself, a kind of emotional relapse; I locked myself in, both figuratively and literally; I had a lot of trouble doing even the slightest bit of any kind of exercise. That's why I was absent.
And I feel guilty because of this very absence.
Anyway, I hope sure most of you will understand.
Merry Christmas, everyone. It is the time of rebirth and I can only wish you health and happiness in every form.
Here's a slightly different carol:[link]